Traditional vs Personal Vows: Which is Right for You?

Should you write your own vows or use traditional ones? Both options have meaning. Here’s how to decide.

Traditional Vows

Traditional vows have been spoken by countless couples before you. “To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”

There’s power in these words. They connect you to generations of married couples. They carry weight precisely because they’re timeless.

Personal Vows

Personal vows are unique to your relationship. They tell your story, name your specific promises, and speak directly to who your partner is. They feel more intimate because they could only be about the two of you.

Questions to Consider

How public are you with your emotions? Personal vows require vulnerability in front of an audience. Some couples thrive on this. Others prefer to keep their deepest feelings private.

What does your partner want? You should be on the same page. If one of you writes personal vows and the other reads traditional ones, the ceremony can feel unbalanced.

What does your ceremony context require? Some religious traditions expect specific vows. Check with your officiant about what flexibility you have.

The Middle Path

You can do both. Some couples include traditional vows as part of the ceremony and add personal words before or after. This gives you structure and personalization.

There’s No Wrong Answer

Traditional vows are beautiful. Personal vows are beautiful. What matters is that you and your partner choose together and feel comfortable with your decision.